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Plain Grey Dresses - Before you read this, this is not a "girly" type story, just because of the title. Don't read a book by its cover, there is more to this story than it seems...Enjoy! by Jessie122

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Plain Grey Dresses - Before you read this, this is not a "girly" type story, just because of the title. Don't read a book by its cover, there is more to this story than it seems...Enjoy!

By Jessie122 | Posted: 12 December 2008

Views: 594
Doreen walked through the ancient castles' grounds carrying the spices she had prepared for the old Queen, Edith Mary. She passed Arthur who waved at her. He winked. She smiled. They were due to be married by the end of the month. Doreen passed endless corridors, making her way for Edith Mary's four poster bed. She knocked and entered. Then she left the spices by the old queen's bed as Edith Mary was asleep. Then, she took the empty jug on the bed side table to fill it up for when the old queen woke up.
     So that is exactly what she did. She walked out of the room to fill up the jug with some water which she carried out on a silver tray, engraved with a swirling pattern of flowers and vines. As she turned down the next corridor, somebody walked straight into her. The jug smashed into a thousand million pieces and the tray skidded along the marble floor, out of view. Doreen looked up curiously. Two men in army suits. That's what they wore.
     She saw a red blotchy patch form on the neckline of her plain grey dress. 
     Blood. 
     There was a dagger pressed upon her neck. "Where is it?" the taller of the two men asked; the one holding the dagger against Doreen's neck.
     "Where's w-what?" she stumbled. 
     But the soldiers weren't buying it. "Maybe this will update your memory." another suited man brought out a bruised and scarred Arthur. He had been stripped of his weapons and clothes. He had his hands tied behind his back, stained with drips of blood. One more man appeared. He held a leather strapped whip in his right hand, gently slapping his left hand with it lightly to make sure it 'worked'. The whip was covered in blood. 
     Arthur's blood.
     "Don't hurt him!" Doreen screamed as the man whipped Arthur's back. He groaned. 
     "Tell us or goodbye 'pretty boy'." The soldier threatened. Doreen said nothing in return but only whispered, 'Goodbye Arthur. I love you.' "I can see we're not getting much out of you." he turned to his fellow soldiers. "I've changed my mind," no hope came to Doreen or Arthur as the dagger was still pressed against her neck and the whip was ready to crash down on Arthur's back. "Come on lads. Kill the woman. The man may be useful but he will be punished if he doesn't own up sooner or later."
     He turned to leave. "Oh, sir?" he halted. "Shall I kill the filth in front of the mad man?"
     A grim smile stretched across the leader's face. "Yes. Yes, but unfortunately, we have no time to waste, so it pains me to say: make it fast; we have a castle to invade." 
     The only thing heard was the echoes of the soldier's feet as he strode down the corridor. 
     Doreen was dead.
All articles on this website by Jessie122 are copyright ©Jessie122 and should not be reproduced without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
Comments 
Jessie122
12 December 2008
As you can see by the incredibly long title, this is not a type of story that is written for posh ladies. As you may know if you have just read it.

I think the title represents something more, so I gave it the name Plain Grey Dresses...well actually, I don't know why I called it that. I just had a GIANT brain-wave and the idea formed inside my head.

I hoped you like the story anyway (with/out the incredibly long and detailed title, well it's just actually Plain Grey Dresses but with a load of mumbo-jumbo on the end of it)!

L.O.L.!!!!!

Jessie122
P.S. I'd love to read your comments so please post them. I'm always looking for ways to improve my work!! B) :D :) ;-)
Murphy
18 December 2008
I think you really need to work on this...it's too confusing...and it's rushed...develop the characters, scenery etc....and focus on what you want the story to be about...but your punctuation is very good...work on this and it could be very good...develop your ideas... :)
chloerose08
18 December 2008
I liked this story! 
Even though I did not know the characters very well, I still felt pained when Doreen saw Arthur in the state that he was in, I think you conveyed her emotions without stating or describing them.
You could defiantly extend it in places, and devlop the speech - I think that this particular scene should go on for longer. 
-Chloerose
SouthernPoet
19 December 2008
Interesting for the beginning.  It is something that I could get into, depending on where it leads from here.  For the most part, I enjoyed it.
shamus
19 January 2009
i got confused at the start beween the jug and the silver tray.  The sentence wants rephrasing. I alsothink you need to describe your surroundings more.  Apart from that it seems like it could be a good story
taylorswift97
23 January 2010
I have critiqued your work as follows -

[First impressions]
The story was rushed, and hard to follow. The events didn't really come together, making it difficult to understand why everything happened. The story needs a bit of work to make it more enjoyable for readers.
[Characters]
The characters were not fully developed. I like reading stories that get you connected to the characters.

Writer
Jessie122

Total posts:
67
Roles: Writer
Leicestershire, UNITED KINGDOM
Hello there! I'm Jessica. I've written loads of stories over the years, all unfinished except for one that was for my younger sister and I had my friend illustrate it. I'm working on a story assessment ... (Read more)