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Premonitions

By Elaby Gathen | Posted: 08 August 2011

Views: 220
Sexual references
Sexual references

This is the beginning of a chapter of a new story that I wrote tonight. I have only basic ideas and am really writing this only to try out a new writing book I got at a booksale, but it might come to something, who knows? Tell me if you are interested and if you would continue reading.

 

 

Chapter One - Premonitions

“You’d better close the window. It’s going to rain and ruin the buffet’s finish.”

            The silence that always filled the big, dark dining room became even more quiet. Jedro Addington picked up his fork and dabbed the prongs in his spiced creamed potatoes, avoiding the incredulous looks being given him by table’s other occupants. He had let it slip again.

            There was the decisive clink of silverware being laid on the edge of a fine china dish. “Jedro, would you stand up, please?” Aunt Guille looked up with hooded eyes.

            Jedro blinked. “Um . . . yes’m.” Pushing his heavy chair backwards, the young man stood up, fingertips splayed on the table on either side of his plate. He waited for further instructions, glancing around the table: Aunt Guille, dark and mousy, crouched opposite him; Aunt Agara, pale and  spiderlike, splayed at the end of the table; their mother, Jedro’s grandmother, shrunken like a corpse, sleeping propped up at the head of the table.

            “Now pull down your pants and urinate in your dish, please,” Aunt Guille placed a morsel of meat on the tip of her tongue, moved it to the side of her mouth, and chewed delicately. She held Jedro’s gaze, unperturbed by the crude absurdity of her request.

            “What?” Jedro half shouted. Aunt Agara jumped in her seat at the loudness of his voice, and Jedro’s grandmother’s head jerked and quivered in a disturbed nod.

            “His sense of propriety inhibits him,” Aunt Guille leaned toward Aunt Agara, speaking in a theatrical undertone. Her eyes slid to Jedro as she spoke to her blank-faced sister. “And yet he speaks so openly of his mental abnormality.” Drawing a deep breath, Guille leaned back in her seat and pinned Jedro with her insipid gaze. “The enigmas of the adolescent male brain confound me. Or maybe it is only inherent stupidity.”

All articles on this website by Elaby Gathen are copyright ©Elaby Gathen and should not be reproduced without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
Comments 
brian dunn
08 August 2011

well your writing is excellent as i have come to expect from you, so it hard to tell if this book you have found as really inproved your writing but i do beleave it gives you a different style of writing to your normal stuff and this may be good its two short to tell as yet perhaps a little more would make a difference.

J sankey
11 August 2011

 

The witty shot in the dark didn't quite make it over the bow. But I must say, you did an excellent job of camouflaging it with verbose languish. Minus the middle finger, I give you two thumbs up! You sir, are an excellent writer. Keep up the good work.

Elaby Gathen
11 August 2011

You, sir, are too kind ;P

J sankey
11 August 2011

My bad, sir…I meant to say language. By the way, if it is not too much of an imposition I think you would be the perfect candidate to help me critique my story. I'm new to this game and willing to learn. Any words of wisdom would go a long way.

Elaby Gathen
11 August 2011

I'm honored :) PM me any questions you have and I'd be happy to answer them as well as I can.

J sankey
11 August 2011

I posted a story on the 8th called — <span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><em>Premonition, Providence, or Imagination.</em> I would like you to read it, and give me your opinion. Remember I'm new at this, so please be kind, but critical. Thank you in advance.</span>

J sankey
11 August 2011

That did not come out right. So I'll try it again. I posted a story on the 8th called <span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Premonition, Providence, or Imagination. I would like you to read it, and give me your opinion. Remember I'm new at this, so please be kind, but critical. Thank you in advance.</span>

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