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Break Time Girl

By kneazle | Posted: 24 December 2008

Views: 314
Laughter filled the near empty classroom. It was breaktime and nothing else could be heard besides a murmur of chatter from the dining hall. Lisa and Marie had sneaked upstairs  back to their form room. It was a moment of privacy and seclusion in the school timetable. They sat next to each other on one of desks swinging their legs. They weren't supposed to be there. It was too far outside the rigid authority of Health and Safety. But they were doing no harm. For them it was chance to escape and relax as one only can out of other's company. They had found a sanctuary. For fifteen minutes of each day they enjoyed the calming bliss of solitude.      After a few minutes Lisa, the livelier of the two, stood up. She was not of a disposition to be in one place for a long time. Although she hadn't been branded with a complicated behavioural condition she was often treated as a dunce and the butt end of the school.    Marie remained on the table in deep concentration. She rarely shared her thoughts with anyone but Lisa. Her shy nature had made many overlook her. At length she spoke to her companion.
"You know when you first met me?" Lisa nodded slowly. It had been a few years back at the start of Secondary school. There had been an afternoon for the everyone to get to know one another by the means of tedious circle games. Marie hated such events and Lisa had automatically been shunned. The two had found themselves together.    Marie continued, " What was you first impression of me?" Lisa raised her eyebrows and sat down. This required a little more complex thinking than their usual break time banter. She gave a quick smile,
" That you looked the grumpiest old bag in the whole school." Marie gave an amiably squeal of outrage. Lisa shrugged. " It was the eyebrows you know." Indeed, Marie had two fine, dark specimens across her forehead. They stood out on her pale skin.  Marie was eager to retaliate.
" Do you know what I thought when I saw you?"  Lisa shrugged again but a wicked grin spread across her face. Marie continued, " I thought that you were the most dizzy girl in the whole world." Lisa laughed.
"Me? Dizzy?"
"When you fell asleep on the first day and wouldn't wake up till the Head pinched you..." Lisa groaned and tried to clamp her hand over Marie's mouth.
"Maybe I was a little dizzy at that point but I had had a late night! You can't blame me for..." She was interrupted by the loud clanging of the school bell.  Reluctantly they went to get their satchels from the door. They stepped out together into the hall and were at once swept along by the swarm. 
" What room are you in?" Marie called to Lisa. She gave her usual shrug.  When Marie had been sufficiently carried by the crowd she gave a  quick wave to Lisa and battled her way through the throng. Ruffled she opened the nearest classroom door and stepped inside. At once everything went quiet. The girls jumped to attention.
"Good morning Miss Jenks," they droned.  
"Sit," she commanded and went to her desk. A few giggles went round the class.  Looking up from her papers Marie caught a stare of a thirteen year old in front of her. The look of distaste was quickly smothered but it still sent a pang of surprise into Marie's  heart. The girl before her could not see beyond the middle aged women sent to teach them Maths. They could not see the girl inside. Marie Jenks sighed sadly. She wasn't a girl any more. Only a half girl. Marie was a break time girl.
All articles on this website by kneazle are copyright ©kneazle and should not be reproduced without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
Comments 
Carl
24 December 2008
It's a good start! Your characters (besides Miss Jenks) were lifelike, distinct, etc..

The few things I might suggest you take a look at:

"It was recess". If you're British (and are setting the story in Britain, which it sounds like you are: Health and Safety) I don't think you should use primarily American words.

"translucent timetable". I don't know what you mean by 'translucent' in this context. It was printed on plastic?

"...swinging their legs with forbidden pleasure". I don't see what swinging their legs has to do with forbidden pleaure..
kneazle
24 December 2008
Thanks for the tips

We still have recess here as well you know. I don't see why the cultures shouldn't be allowed to blend a little. They are after all the same language.

Writer
kneazle

Total posts:
46
Roles: Writer
Birmingham, UNITED KINGDOM
I am fourteen, I've written two novels (nanowrimo anyone?) and many poems. Aiming to be published at some point in the vague and hazy future...but till then pfft. I'll keep writing for the hell of it.
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