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A SHORT EXCERPT FROM THE RADDLE
By
mature gent
| Posted:
26 January 2009
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FIRST NIGHT
It was 7 pm our very first opening. Have you ever stood for almost one hour waiting for your first customer?
I had a knot in the pit of my stomach, the bank managers words rang in my ears.
You need to get the turnover up quickly or lose the pub.
Mike was trying to keep me occupied, as my two sons sampled the lager.
Then in came our very first customers a middle age couple. He asked for a pint bitter and a soft drink for his wife. I really don't how much beer I wasted pulling that first pint, but the waste tray was full before I had given him his pint.
They sat down picked up the menu; He then came to the bar to order food.
Well if you thought I had been in panic, you should have seen Marjorie and Doreen.
I took in the order; they were running around like two headless chickens.
Marjorie came out with the two meals in no time at all. Using all her talents to set out the meals, they did look quite a picture on the plate. They picked two of Marjorie's homemade specials. I would like to bet it was the quickest meals those customers had ever been served.
.
Coming to the bar for another pint, he said "your meals are really good; are you new?
'Yes we have just taken over, it is our first night' I replied.
The meal was delicious, and your pints in good nick. We will certainly come again.
Well it was nice to hear great comments. Another two couples came in together. After looking at the menu ordered food with starters and a main course.
The plates came back empty; they also commented how much they enjoyed their meals. Whilst this was not mega business, .six meals seemed ok to me on our first night.
Lynn came on at 8-30 her first words. My, you're doing well, there's normally no one in until 9 pm.
Well she was right it was around 9pm.
Wham they started to come in.
I could tell even Lynn was taken aback by the numbers. It seemed everyone and his dog had heard the Raddle had changed hands, and wanted to see which idiots had taken it on.
First impressions count; your golden opportunity to gain that new support. The one thing that stood out like a sore thumb was our different accents.
All over the British Isles, there is some little variation to words or sayings.
One that immediately hit me on the Staffordshire twang was "Duck". They say "Duck" to almost everything. How are you duck, or two pints bitter duck?
When I first heard, it applied to me. I thought what is going on, I'm no duck.
However, it's only like us Lancastrians, with mate, or luve.
I had put together a little welcome speech, which I thought would break the ice for us. It was quite full around 10.30pm I decided to go for it, I had set up a mike and speakers, my eldest son Philip had been behind the bar to help serve, so I took in two deep breaths and in I went.
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Raddle Inn, we are the new owners of this luvely pub (luvely a right Lancashire saying) my name is John, and my better half (bringing Marjorie from out of kitchen very reluctantly she hates being centre of attraction) Marjorie. I've wrote a little poem on the town we have come from.Which I hope you like.
The room went a deathly silent has I started.
MISSES AND ME
The Misses and me comes from Owdham and that it's plain to see.
Hi the Misses and me comes from Owdham, and proud to tell.
Owdham once was crowned a king,
''A king you say''
Hi, a king I said,
King of alt Cotton Mills our Owdham was.
But alas no more, alt cottons gone, and Owdham's lost its crown,
And so we thow't we'd better move, and to Hollington we came,
We found this pub that's full of charm upon the quarry bank
Now thar's no mills in Hollington just fields and gorgeous views.
We hope you all accept our slang, coz we intend to stay.
It brought the house down.
The rest of the night people came up to the bar having a little crack at the accent. But also wished us well. We had a few comments on our menu's how good it looked, saying they would come and try us.
Just the start I had hoped for. It is never easy when you first meet up with people as to whether you will mix. However, the one lesson I have learned in business it's up to you, find the key that will bring the right balance in getting people to support you.
We had made the right impression. Because Lynn, who didn't really want to work for us, said what a big difference the atmosphere felt. She was really enjoying working, albeit a lot harder.
Just when I was feeling smug Philip my son came up to me 'err' dad someone in taproom wants you.
My first thoughts trouble, stay calm, look relaxed, In I strolled. "Hi what can I do for you?" I said, with a smile.
"John" said one of the lads "great poem you sound a bit broad, but I'm sure we'll get used to you".
We would like to know if we could start to play our darts, crib and dominoes teams in the pub." (Cough splutter did I hear right, you want to play your games in our pub; my mind absorbed)
"Only the Star the other pub up the road wants us to leave. He doesn't want teams, says he hasn't enough room".
Well I know he had a small pub, but to let your teams go in a village setting is asking for trouble.
I wasn't for letting this opportunity go. "Great I said "we'd be delighted to have you when do you want to come and join us". Expecting them to say after Christmas, it was November. However, the reply. "Next Wednesday" really shook me. "Don't you want to give him notice"? I asked.
"He didn't give us any was the reply".
What do you know from opening up we had created a big impression.
Gained three games teams; done six meals. All on our first night what a great start.
The Raddle has a late supper licence until 12 midnight; drinks are available to those who are having a meal, not those who had one at 10pm.
At around 11: 45 with the pub full of drinkers I asked Lynn what time do we shout time? She let out one almighty shriek! 'TIME' she yelled you don't call time here you serve them until they drop.
Big mistake, the dreaded after time known in the trade as A.Ts.
I did, and whilst it did give us big increase in turnover, it was to be my downfall,
I say mine, because Marjorie who is the stronger of the two of us did not agree.
I was on a high what difference would it make, at least it was increasing our takings. That is what the Bank Manager had said was our priority.
Well it certainly did fill our till. Our takings for the one night/morning were full week's takings of the last owners.
I think it was about 2.30 am before they dropped, as Lynn put it. In all fairness to Lynn, she kept going until the end.
Her husband Mick, who I had met previously. Gave us a lift with the glasses, saying it had been the best night he had seen in a long time, and by what people were saying, we should do well.
We shut the doors after they had all gone. I suppose it was a mixture sheer relief, and the utopia of the success we felt, instead of feeling totally exhausted after what must have been the longest days work in our life. We just kept going repeatedly over the magic events of the day.
But most of all keep looking at those lovely takings.
.
All articles on this website by
mature gent are copyright ©mature gent and should not be reproduced
without the author's prior written consent. All opinions are the opinions of their
respective authors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Writers' Circle.
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Brilliant, entertaining and emotionally spread writing,Customers galore and I could even taste the food! Only one upset - now I am a Lincolnshire lass born and bread and we say 'duck' there and there's nowt wrong with that, everyone who has an accent should be proud of it and where they come from!
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The content of this vignette is very good, but I'll have to be brutally honest with you when I say there are many punctuational and grammatical issues in this piece. It is not ready, as is, for submission to a publisher as written. It would be rejected immediately. Why don't you work on the punctuation, making sure you use periods (.) at the end of each sentence (single thought), quotation marks to indicate dialogue as well as separate starting lines with indentations to show a change of speaker, semi-colons to separate independents clauses, and I could go on. Sorry for being so brutal, but I just had to make you aware.
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Hi,
I have read your work through several times and to be truthful I found it frustrating. I really wanted to get into the stride of the opening of the new pub and although I tried to imagine myself there with you I was lost in the warren of ungrammatical script.
Writing is not a single process. There are two things to remember when writing and I have to be brutally honest ignore them at your peril. There is the excitement/motivation about wanting to put one thoughts on paper and then there is the writers craft stage, what I refer to as pruning and polishing. In plain terms writing and correcting. It is important to keep the two separate, there is nothing more soul destroying than trying to correct your writing when the mind is in full inspirational flow. It is important that editing does not interfere with the creation of a piece of art which is what your writing is. So what I say is let your mind write what you want - no holds barred breaking the inspirational flow is never a good idea. Only when you have finished does it make sense to revisit what you have written. Rewriting is I am afraid very essential. I don't know of any writer who can write first time without correction. However, if it looks right and it sounds right leave well alone as it is possible to overdo correction and spoil completely the original flow.
Your writing show huge amounts of inspiration it's as if you just can't wait to get those words on paper. This is a good, but it tends to produce random scenes which you as the story teller are well aware of but for the reader it can be very confusing. So what you need to do is work chronologically bringing your scenes together in sequence. This can be sometimes frustrating as it requires you the writer to deal with the parts of your story less exciting but essential to the overall story.
Now to your story "The Raddel." Basically there is nothing wrong with your story. However, I'm sure that you are aware that your story is spoilt somewhat through the lack of punctuation and attention to spelling/grammar and detail. I cannot express enough the need to prune and polish. Without it your work makes very little sense and consequently it lacks interest to others who may want to read it. You really are doing yourself down not spending time correcting altering and adding where necessary. You express yourself well and show an inspirational ability that a lot of other writers would die for so don't spoil your work. In Yorkshire where I come from we have a saying. "Don't sink the ship for a half penny worth of tar." Even if you write solely for escapism and have no interest in being published it is important that your work can be read. I have to be honest and say the lack of spelling and grammar correction is really inexcusable as all computer software today carries a spell and grammar check which eliminates nearly all faults. I could go into great detail about what is wrong with "The Raddel" but I'm sure if you have read my booklet on writing you won't need any further criticism.
The process of self expression is vitally important. It allows us to think for ourselves, to clarify ideas and to utter them with coherence and force, to reason logically, to judge fairly and dispassionately, to recognize what is bad and what is good. Whether we use this gift or not correctly is up to the individual.
Good writing Rowland
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Kudos
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From 3 votes
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Total posts: 108
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Roles:
Writer
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Blackpool, UNITED KINGDOM
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Hi I am a retired publican who is enjoying life to the full. Joined Blackpool Writers circle we meet once a fornight to share and enjoy our writing. I have started to write a book on our three pubs, three ... (Read more)
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