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I really like your poem!
I was a little confused by the two lines:
But if I'm destined to drown
you'd think I'd have gills.
i.e. you probably wouldn't drown if you have gills.
I like your use of 'water'/'sea' throughout this poem, but you also have the 'road' too. Maybe changing the 'road' to 'river' somehow might complement the poem better?
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thanks (:
i know its a bit rough, i literally thought it up and wrote it down so it may not all make sense :P
when i read back the first reference to the gills i realised it didn't quite come out the way i'd intended so i'll work on that (:
thats a good idea about the river thing, again, i think i'll have to work on it (:
thank you for commenting
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Don't be disheartened. There are some very good ideas in there!
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I agree with Carl about your 3rd paragraph reference to being "destined to drown and gills". I'm also unsure about the reference to "my angel sees....would disappear" in paragraph 4. Not sure what this means and why the angel would disappear, etc. I really liked everything else. Good job.
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The poem has a personal meaning behind it, it's refering to my dealing with depression.
The 'if my angel sees he will dissapear' its talking about trying to hide the extent of it from 'my angel' and trying not to let them see it incase they cant deal with it.
I hope that explains it a bit better, without trying to put a down on the poem hehe (:
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