The Writers' Circle

It's good, but I would like to have some explanation about some entities and about what's going on. What is a Ghaski? By the passage I suspect it to be some type of animal. What does Blaze and the people look like. Is there even in a village? Where are the citizens? Form what I read it's like they're sitting in the middle of the desert with no tents or houses or even cacti. The story's good, but like Gary said, there's need to be some explanation and a lot more description. We need to have more showing than telling too. The skirmish between Blaze and Cendama should be expanded to at least a page to a page and a half. Show us the tactics and strategy Blaze used to defeat Cendama. By the way I read the story Cendama wasn't even trying to defeat her.

Also, with the dialogue, don't use adverbs after said. Also, I would advise you to use said most of the time. I know it's can get tiresome after a while, but to most readers these days said is not only more of a punctuation, but also a better way of incorporating someone speaking. A couple examples:

"Yes." Blaze answered calmly.

"Ready...begin!" Lavasgar yelled, jumping to avoid Cendama as he lunged at Blaze. 

There's a lot of dialogue just like this. With the adverbs it just tells never shows since they're abstract. Give us some sensory details or feelings that cause Blaze or whoever to say the way they're feeling. 

The second example: We already know he's yelling  without the yelled. How can you tell? Well, the exclamation mark indicates he's yelling, and besides, based on what the reader has read so far, he can probably figure out Lavasger is yelling.

Sorry if I'm sounding arrogant or harsh, but you said you wanted to see if this part could stand out on its own, and in my opinion, I don't think it can without most of the advice I'm giving write now. Don't be disheartened though, you have the talent from what I read so far, and with the advice I'm giving I think this part can turn out superb. When I first started out one of my stories (it was fantasy too) sounded just like this. People told me to work on it, and to this day I always remember that lesson.

Good luck with your writing, and post this work back sometime. I know you can do it.

You should be more descriptive on the actions Blaze does in combat. Don't just say she openned with a series of quick strikes meant to faze her opponent and Cendama quickly dodged. Describe the attack. Describe the actions.

Blaze came in quick with the intention of three quick strikes designed to faze Cendama. The first strike would shove his weapon high allowing Blaze the chance at two flat edged strikes to Cendama's plate armor. The two hits would shake Cendama up inside his heavy armor and disrupt his balance, but his speed was surprisingly fast, and he countered with a quick twist of his blade turning Blazes second quick strike into a block.

Blaze realized that Cendama was in a counter attack stance. She would have to stance dance to get the upper hand. She quickly changed to a high guard mid attack and sweeped down on his weapon knocking his balance forward allowing Blaze a quick jab with the hilt into his helmet rattling his senses. 

She again danced into a new stance holding onto her momentum. This stance was designed with movement in mind, so she feighted left with her body and transformed it into a spin swinging the blade around low kicking up dust into Cendama's face. Keeping the spin alive she brought he blade around on next pass. 

Cendama, unsure what was happening went into reactive defense and simply blocked the attack unsure how to counter. Blaze using the block to stop her spin reverse her spin. She spun from the other direction and landed the flat of her blade against Cendama's torso knocking him sideways. He tripped and stumbled to the side. 

Again Blaze switched stance and went in strong with a weak jabbing stance designed to confuse the opponent into over parrying. The results paid off quickly and Cendama's next parry left his back open. Blaze quickly slipped behind Cendama pulling the blade to his throat.

I am a huge fan on the fantasy genre, so this short story interested me very much. It has that "fire breathing dragons" feel to it. I love it!
I will definetly look at all of your other articles.